Yes, this post is about breastfeeding (so if you are my dad or my brother, please feel free to skip this one!). I never thought I’d write about this, but it is actually one of the subjects I get asked about most.
Even though there is a huge emphasis on women’s breastfeeding rights in popular culture right now, women still feel uncomfortable talking about it, asking questions, and being honest about their successes and failures with breastfeeding. I have definitely had my share of ups and downs in the last year and a half. Since World Breastfeeding Week is August 1-7, I thought this would be the perfect time to share my journey: How I Breastfed for 18 months.
I want to start by saying that this is my story. I am not a medical professional, but these are things that worked (and failed miserably) for me. Every story is different and every family’s needs are different. You are working hard to ensure the best life possible for your little one, and I applaud you for that. Even if our story is not the same, we can benefit from learning from and encouraging each other no matter what our journey looks like.
This is a long post because for me, breastfeeding was a long journey. My one hope for writing about such a sensitive topic is that if you are a mom-to-be or a sweet mama at home with a newborn right now that you will be encouraged. I hope that you know that there are hundreds of thousands of moms around the world rooting for you and that you are not alone, even if it feels like it sometimes. I hope that you will understand that even with the most difficult beginning, something beautiful can come out of that struggle. After all, nothing worthwhile is ever easy!
My Breastfeeding Story
As soon as I found out we were expecting, I immediately started researching every aspect of having a baby. One of the very first decisions I made was that I wanted to try to breastfeed for as long as possible. At the time, I had no idea what that actually meant, but I knew that it was best for the baby and best for our pocketbook. So I stocked up on (what I thought were) the essentials, watched videos, took classes, and prepared myself to be a breastfeeding mama.
The day our little girl was born was pure bliss. We had over an hour of skin-to-skin contact as soon as she was born and she seemed to take to breastfeeding just fine. The next day I started to realize that she wasn’t really getting any milk, but I didn’t panic because I knew from my research that it was normal. A lactation consultant visited my room in the hospital and I politely listened, but honestly I was exhausted and I missed most of what she said. By the next day, a second lactation consultant visited our room and I tried hard to pay attention because I could tell my baby wasn’t getting any milk. The lactation consultant had a Hospital Grade Pump brought to our room and I tried it once, but it made me so uncomfortable and I wasn’t getting anything, so I gave up.
When we left the hospital, I was starting to feel very sore and I was feeling a little more desperate. The next morning, we noticed our little girl’s coloring was off (she was practically glowing), so we took her to the pediatrician for a bilirubin test to see if she was jaundiced. When the doctor weighed her, they discovered she had lost about 13% of her birth weight. I told my pediatrician about my breastfeeding trouble and she recommended that we immediately begin supplementing with formula and that we all go see her lactation consultant.
At this point I completely broke down right there in the doctor’s office because supplementation was never an option in my mind. Honestly, I felt like a complete failure. This was the one thing I had my heart set on. I thought that if we started with formula I could never get back to fully breastfeeding. Fortunately, I now know how completely wrong I was – but those feelings felt so real in the moment. I had set expectations for myself that had nothing to do with my baby’s health and had everything to do with my desire to be a “perfect” mom.
We went to our pediatrician’s lactation consultant (this was number three, if you’re counting!) while we waited for the jaundice test results and she was one of the most compassionate people I have ever met in my life. She showed me how much using a Boppy (or any breastfeeding pillow) could help, taught me a way to hold her that worked for us, and gave us the first formula our daughter would ever have.
As soon as my baby started gulping the formula, I felt an immense amount of pressure release from my shoulders. There was no longer a rush to figure this breastfeeding thing out. She was receiving the nourishment she needed and we both could take our time learning to breastfeed. I told this consultant about my soreness and she talked with our pediatrician to find out if our little girl might have a tongue tie.
We got the call later that evening that our daughter’s bilirubin test had come back and her counts were very high. We needed to take her back to the hospital immediately so they could begin light therapy for jaundice.
While we were back in the hospital, a specialist was called in and he determined that our daughter did have a tongue tie. The procedure to correct it took less than 10 minutes and was way more traumatic for us than it was for her. We also met with yet another lactation consultant. She tried to put us on a breastfeeding schedule when I broke down and very vulnerably asked, “What if it hurts too much for me to feed her at all?”
This might have been my lowest point. I was frustrated, exhausted, stressed out, and hurting so much I could barely think straight. She very calmly changed her whole demeanor and started talking to me about a medicine that can treat thrush and a cream that is much easier on soreness than Lansinoh. She also suggested that I rent a hospital grade pump and exclusively pump to give my body a chance to heal.
Those words were exactly what I needed to hear. Someone finally understood what I was saying. I took all her suggestions and my body slowly began to heal.
The Turnaround
The first part of my breastfeeding story happened within about a week of our daughter being born (although it felt like much longer!). After the initial fiasco, it took several more weeks before the thought of breastfeeding didn’t terrify me. For about a month, I would try to get her to latch and eat directly from me first, then I would pump while my husband fed her the expressed milk. Slowly we were able to pump less and less until she finally established a good latch and we could save pumping for times that I would be out or miss a feeding.
Honestly, the biggest factor was time. Our daughter was born on February 7 and I sent this text message to my mother in law on August 18.
It took about 3 months for me to really get used to breastfeeding and nearly 6 months for me to be comfortable doing it outside the house. I battled postpartum depression during this time, so there were other factors in my struggle with breastfeeding, but it was definitely a test of my patience and endurance. There were so many times that I just wanted to give up and it took a strong support system to constantly encourage me that it would be worth it in the end.
After I hit the six month mark, I noticed that I didn’t even think about breastfeeding anymore – it was just a habit. At one time it was a huge ordeal to even leave the house for an hour, but now that I was comfortable I could feed her in the car, in a dressing room, and on a plane. I could even feed her in the middle of crowded places and (unless someone was a super sleuth or a fellow breastfeeding mama) no one would be any the wiser.
It was at this point that I actually started to really enjoy breastfeeding. Frankly, it was easier than cleaning bottles and more convenient. I didn’t have any more issues – even when she got teeth and started eating solid foods. I had always planned to breastfeed her until she was one, but her birthday came and went and I saw no reason to stop. Every time she ate, it was a great time for both of us to snuggle and relax together. My body was still producing milk and she kept asking for it. ‘Milk’ was actually her very first word in sign language!
We fed four times a day up until about 16 months when she just didn’t seem as interested anymore. She only asked twice a day. Then by 17 months it was down to once in the morning. We are actually still breastfeeding for a few minutes each morning, but I can tell it’s more for comfort than for nourishment. I’m guessing that within the next few weeks she will get distracted by a baby doll or stuffed Minnie Mouse and we’ll quit breastfeeding completely.
I know one day very soon she will be over me my boobs, but until then I will savor every moment and enjoy my sweet time with my crazy girl.
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Moms, I would love to hear your stories. If you had an experience (good or bad) with breastfeeding, share it in the comments! Did you love it? Do you have regrets? What would you do differently next time? One of the biggest struggles for new moms is loneliness, so it is important for experienced moms to let them know that they are not alone.
If you are in the middle of breastfeeding craziness, come back later this week when I will share my Top 5 Breastfeeding Essentials! And if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask. I don’t have all the answers, but I have some pretty fabulous resources and would love to at least point you in the right direction.
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Well done you! Everybody tells you that breastfeeding is natural (which of course it is!) but nobody tells you how difficult it can be at the start. You should be proud of coming so far.
Our journey didn’t get off to the best start but I soon grew to love it. I breastfed my little monkey until last month when she self weaned at a year old. I wasn’t prepared for how much I’d miss it.
I wouldn’t normally leave a link to my blog in comments but I could rattle on about this all day. If you’d like to read our journey it’s http://mummysmonkey.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/breastfeeding-end-of-journey-and-n2.html?m=1
Janet, I love that! Thank you for linking to your story. There can never be too many examples of positive experiences with breastfeeding!
I hate it that sometimes moms are made to feel like they’re failing if everything doesn’t happen perfectly within the first few hours. Sometimes it just takes time to adjust!
I loved breastfeeding each of my littles. Surprisingly, my first was my easiest and my third and fourth my more difficult. 🙂 I am so thankful the ability to breastfeed and the relative ease I had. I know some people can have a very difficult time, leading them to be unable to breastfeed at all (which is okay too!). 🙂
I have actually heard that from a lot of people (the later kiddos being more difficult), especially if there is an age gap. I have only had one so I have no idea, but I’ve also spent the last year and a half praying that the next one would catch on a little easier 🙂
Mine don’t have much of an age gap. I think it was just exhaustion. Having a 3, 1, and nb I just didn’t care how the baby latched as long as he did. Until finally I was sore and realized I had slacked a little there! Thankfully I caught it early enough!
I breastfed my little one for about 2 weeks, and then dedicated to exclusively pumping for the next 12 months. It’s tough, but it’s possible! Great story <3
Wow! You are a WARRIOR mama! Pumping is no easy task, but it can be done! New moms just aren’t hearing stories like yours – thank you for sharing!
Thanks for sharing your story, Megan!! Breast feeding can be such a wonderful thing, but I don’t talk about it very often at all! I breastfed Samuel for 15 months. Since I was working, I pumped while at work and then he nursed when we were together. It was not easy but totally worth it!! I nursed Luke for 13 months at home. With both boys, it was hard getting started. Lots of pain, and I always worried at first if they were getting enough. But it got so much easier! And I agree…it’s so much easier than washing bottles all the time! Plus you don’t have to remember anything when you go out (except for the other millions of things you need for babies)!
Breastfeeding was hard for me at first, but once we got the hang of it, I really enjoyed the bonding time. With my second pregnancy, I had twins that were born premature. I tried my hardest, but after latching issues and thrush, I exclusively pumped for a year.
Thank you for sharing your journey! You’re absolutely right, it’s so important we share b/c in those low days of trial it feels like we’re all alone in our struggle! Even when we know logically that we aren’t. <3
My little girl & I just passed the 3 year mark in our journey!!! It definitely didn't start out easy but not getting to breastfeed my first child really caused me to dig my heels in despite the bumps along the way we had. We dealt with severe tongue tie (that our pedi AND ENT refused to revise), a vast number of protein intolerances as a result of gut damage from unnecessary antibiotics she had shortly after birth, and she was low % from birth till around 18 months. :/ We had zero help from our provider (one of the more breastfeeding friendly providers where we live) so we sought out a pedi dentist in our area who was an absolute Godsend, even though he doesn't normally revise such small babies he did for us (she was SEVEN weeks by this time.. 7 weeks where she couldn't even latch on a bottle b/c her tie was so severe), and I joined some great groups that helped with learning about restricted diets and how to tell symptoms for intolerances. It took 7 months before we figured everything out but we made it over the hump!!!! When our daughter was just about 18 months we learned that she has an MTHFR mutation and in that moment I had such an overwhelming feeling of gladness that we stuck it through! Formula would've been incredibly detrimental to her already delayed cognitive growth and she wouldn't have been getting the right form of vitamins she needed. Talk about hindsight! What started as an initial goal of 12 months, and then 2 years (the WHO goal), has turned in to a love for full term breastfeeding and both my husband & I are okay letting her self wean when she's emotionally & physically ready. I don't know when that'll be, but until that day comes I'm glad that with her special needs I can give her such a nutritional milk easily usable for her body. I know that when that day comes though that she's done it will be SO bittersweet…. I try to not think about it. *tear* 🙂
We have three kiddos and each had their own challenges. My boy we both a lot more difficult. I think with your first you are so nervous it can hinder let down. My first was born with some complications and developed a lung infection and stayed at hospital for 9 days. Those were the longest ever, but our local hospital may it very comfortable for me to stay and he only received a little formula. The best thing about that super long stay was all the nurses were there to help me with breastfeeding. The tips they had were amazing. One thing I learned about me is I have a really strong let down in the beginning. So our babies would have a difficult time keeping up. So because of that I had to pump before nursing to let the pressure off. Then slowly adjust it over the next couple week till they were able to handle it.
Megan thanks for sharing,
Haley
Such a beautiful experience! So glad that you were able to have a triumphant turnaround in your experience! I had only 12 weeks of the liquid gold! I was so stressed going back to work amongst other things that my milk supply depleted. You are a true role model in not giving up on nursing! You inspired me to write my experience as well. Thanks for sharing!